Guy Fieri, who we?re pretty sure on top of being a TV host and restaraunteur is also the roadie for Sugar Ray, recently received a scathing (to say the least) review from the New York Times for Guy?s American Kitchen in Times Square.
The review was nothing more than a series of questions aimed at Fieri, the most widely quoted of which is:
?Did panic grip your soul as you stared into the whirling hypno wheel of the menu, where adjectives and nouns spin in a crazy vortex? When you saw the burger described as ?Guy?s Pat LaFrieda custom blend, all-natural Creekstone Farm Black Angus beef patty, LTOP (lettuce, tomato, onion + pickle), SMC (super-melty-cheese) and a slathering of Donkey Sauce on garlic-buttered brioche,? did your mind touch the void for a minute??
We?ve never liked Fieri. We never once thought to ourselves, ?Man, I would like to eat food that was designed and prepared by Sammy Hagar?s separated-at-birth brother.? But now, with this review, we can?t help but have a serious urge to try it. As a cut-skit from this weekend?s SNL pointed out, no one expected this restaurant to get a good review. Would the NYT give a positive review to any Applebee?s? A T.G.I. Friday?s? How about a Ruby Tuesday?s? There is no market in the NYT restaurant reviews for restaurant imagined and designed to be as mass-marketable as possible.
People go to these big, bold, boring eateries every day. And Guy?s American Kitchen is just like them. It is pre-packaged nonsense meant to turn a profit, and a big one at that. Even the NYT had a 160-person party there the day the review came out. And you know what, we?d like to do that too. Sometimes your meal doesn?t have to be amazing. Sometimes food can just be okay, and the act of eating in a restaurant designed by a man whose closest doppelganger is Optimus Prime can be the draw. So yes, we?d like to have a table at Guy?s American Kitchen, but even then we?ll pass on the Donkey Sauce.
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